Intelligent, profound yet silent… those best describe my uncle. He was always referred to as bad, killjoy, stern and tough by those who barely know him. He was always the black sheep of the family. And he was once disowned by his father, by two of his other brothers, or even by his sisters.
But never with his mother. He was always loved, supported and advised, despite his notorious traits. His mother was a perfect prototype of a genuine mother. One who stands along, against all oddities in life. His was a mother always selfless, willing to sacrifice the rest of her 5 other siblings, just to bring him back to his feet again.
He once went away, seeing that he was being disliked by many. He brought hatred with him, against his family and neighbors. He soared high and experienced what others referred to as ecstasy. He proved everyone right, by doing just what people expected him to be ---the black sheep.
But one day, he came home wounded. Seeking for the love of his mother, the type he missed while he was gone. And as usual, he had it. His father was glad he had come back but he was too old to show he cares. He was just there, standing calmly, contented that the prodigal son had returned.
Time passed and his father had to pass away. I saw him cry in the corner but when he caught my eye, he stared at me and I took that as his embarrassment, although he tried to conceal it as a warning or something of that sort. I was relieved to see his softer side. I know he wasn’t bad after all. And I know he loved his father.
A couple of years later, temptations struck him again and he found himself confined behind the cold bars. It was a cold hell and he had no mother to comfort him. He cried and pleaded help from his family, knowing that his mother would be there for him. And as usual, he got her support, with the help of his siblings, of course. But that time, I saw his effort to change. He must have learned a lot from those things they call “cold bars”.
He tried to convince everyone that he had changed, after his sad experience. I believed in him coz I saw the good side of him already, the moment I saw him shed a tear for his “despised” father. But I was only one of the few who believed in him. I know he was glad he got me. He also got his best friend. And of course, he had his mother on his side.
But his mother was too old to tolerate or see his continuing efforts. She had to rest in peace and as she did, I saw my uncle cry openly this time. In fact, I was the first one who patted him on his shoulders. I remembered he looked up with those red, teary eyes and forcibly gave his crooked smile. In my 16 years of existence, that was only the second time I saw my tough uncle cry.
Years passed, and he survived alone, without the visible love of his parents, especially her mother. Yet I know he had her in his memories always coz one Halloween night, I visited his home and I saw a lighted candle on the window. I teased him and he told me to get serious coz it was intended to light the path of my lola (his mother). I was swept away by the thoughtfulness of such a tough, big man. It was that night that he told me how lonely his life had been. He told me that I was one of the few who believed in him and that he appreciated it. I almost burst into tears that night but of course, I was tough, just like him. We talked about how impossible his ambitions were. He dreamed he had his own family, wherein his children would respect him as a father. And he hated himself for being so helpless to his two children (with different mothers). He mentioned how lonely it was to be abandoned, even by his own brothers and sisters. He said it was very sad to live alone in an empty house. And most of all, he missed his mother. I went home that night with total relief and satisfaction. And I wished I could tell the whole world that my uncle was not as bad as they thought he was. But of course, it would take so much time to convince those people.
My uncle continued to live his life as wholesome as he could, pleasing as many people as possible. He fed himself, tried supporting his children (although not fully appreciated), held occasional drinking sessions to gather his peers, and welcomed visitors to his house. He tried to be good. But I think it was not enough. In fact, it was never enough.
The other year, his best friend died. He had lost his favorite pal that time and he must have been very sad coz I caught him staring blankly sometimes. But of course he was tough and stern, so he held his head high and continued to live life.
One time, when I was waiting for a vehicle to transport me to the big city, he saw me and he sat down beside me. We had our serious talk again and he asked me a favor. It was a favor meant as a joke, I hoped, but still lingers in my mind until now. He said, “Lyn, bisan moasenso na ka, ayaw ko kalimti. Gae nya ko stable nga trabaho para klaro ning akong kinabuhi, ha? Wala dagay ka’y salig nako, pero ako salig kaayo nimo.” (Lyn, don’t forget me even if you’re already well-off. Provide me with a stable job so that I will have a better life. You may not trust me, but I have a big trust in you.)
I only laughed at him and teased him to hand me some peso for vehicle fares. He laughed back and took some 5-peso coin from his pocket. We both laughed and I will never ever forget that scene. My uncle may seem very hard to comprehend, but he sure got a good sense of humor.
Two hours ago I received a message about my uncle passing away… it was an unexpected death. My heart is aching like crazy and I couldn’t imagine going back to my hometown without him, above all, seeing him inside the casket. I cried but those tears are not enough. I am sad because of his sudden death. I am saddened by thought that his cold, dead body was discovered 24 hours after he died because he was living in a house all by himself. I am saddened because he died with the feeling that nobody loves him. Most of all, I am sad because I was not able to give him his dream, the favor he had asked of me.
I love you, Yoyo. I wish I were able to tell you this in person. It’s just too late now and it’s something I learned a lesson from. Thank you for trusting in me. You will always be remembered…
