Merl's Personal Literary Works

Til It's Time

2008-01-31T15:08:00.001-08:00

Let me dream of you and me

looking, staring and smiling at each other...

frowning, crying, and laughing with each other...

Hold my hand as I walk you through

lead you the way, to the heavens we go

together we will discover

what the world has to offer...

Hug me and let me lean on your shoulder

kiss me and listen to the words that I whisper

words from my soul, spoken by my heart

words of promises that we'll never be apart...

Let me dream of you and me together

let me wait, let me stay, let me go never

make me hope that you and I are forever

then welcome me in your arms when forever is over...

Give me strength to stand against the tests of time

coz in the end it's you and me combined

From the shadow, I will blow you fortitude as you climb

From a distance, I am hoping you'll take this faith of mine...

But right now, we just have to go on wishing till it's time...

Tell Me

2008-01-29T20:24:00.001-08:00

How do I know it's you, how do I know it's not?

How can we tell if we don't see each other that much?

How can I feel the love you profess,

When I couldn't even have your kiss...

My heart is aching to reach out for you,

But my mind is telling me to let you go...

Oh, boy, tell me.. What should I do?

Love Undefined

2008-01-29T20:02:00.001-08:00

Love is unfair, love is selfless

It is never self-centered, never selfish

It asks too much and tests temperance

Eats up humility but seeks no vengeance.

It makes you wonder of its real existence

It drives you to a world full of happy endings

It teaches you how to fly till the brim of illusion

It could also lead you to the midst of confusion.

Real love comes and stays long for good

For better or for worse, against all odds

Its gentle touch sticks thru thick and thin

Despite spiteful words and ceaseless blame.

Love is shown and should never be kept

For if it spoils, it’s mistaken as fatal creep

It resorts to resentment and in just one flip

Your pride defeats it, then, someone has to weep.

I once fell in love but was not reciprocated

I wept for a while but am always motivated

The love I have inspired me, now and for always

It reigns over my pride and my slight little hatreds.

Though the person I love might be gone for good

I keep thanking Him for we met along the road

With sad goodbye, dreams shattered, and promises broken

Grows a stronger love willing to be taken... again…

Visions of an Ambitious Soul

2008-01-29T19:44:00.000-08:00

Wait all day, wait all night
Wait and see and hold on tight
Wait till the sun goes down one night
Wait till the fights rundown tonight.

The turmoil makes it hard for all
The penny maladies everyday befall
The rivers of thoughts are tower tall
The figment ambition is the tallest of them all.

Many seconds have to pass by,
Many sorrows to cater and cry
Many negative notions to lie
Many attempts and failures to deny.

But with us is a hope as genuine as bullion
More costly than that of a good-cut diamond
A magnificent parcel that reminds us when alone
That a paradise awaits us, chambers empty of each throne.

I’m soaring to the left; you’re soaring to the right
Both hoping to find the brighter light
I hold on to dreams, you give up the fight
Two blissful spirits, what a beautiful sight.

I'm Sorry..... Self...

2008-01-29T19:41:00.000-08:00

Let me share with you one of the many mumbles of this silly heart of mine. I tried shutting it out but it seems it’s to no avail coz someone somehow knocks on it harshly – making it beat faster and faster, nagging me to open up… so sentimental as I am, I’d rush to open it up, making my almost stupid self stumble and fall.. Then the same old story happens…over and over again.

I’m not going to name names here. I call him a “gazer” so you’ll call him that way. I admit I don’t really know Gazer, not till last semester anyway. I met him at JJ Blockbuster once when we both intended to pull out the same VCD at a time (How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days). His smile lingered in my mind for a while. It wasn’t a smile intended to make a woman’s heart melt – it was a candid smile brought about by the coincidence we’d just encountered. He looked deep into my eyes and creased his eyebrows, then, as if in recognition, he gave away a one-sided smile, flashing his pearly white teeth. The cleft chin was pretty charming, too, so were the two dimples.

I think I smiled back then but I didn’t really pay attention. I thought he was just one of those easy-go-lucky guys you meet in the video house, hunting for both hit and hot movies. I go gaga over hit movies but one thing’s for sure – I’m not an easy go lucky type. I have reasons why I watch these movies. I need them more than I want them.

Anyway, going back to Gazer… So, I eventually forgot about him. I mean really forgot. But one fine afternoon, we were in the same fast-food and he was seated right across my table. I pretended not seeing him, or at least not recognizing him, and continued my lunch. And I saw that he was eating well, too, unmindful of the people around him. Actually, I didn’t think he recognized me that time. I finished before him so I departed from that place ahead of him. As I passed by his table, he looked up and… I didn’t know if he smiled or how his face looked like behind me. I just passed by him, that’s all.

While I was waiting for a ride home, a friend was rushing his way toward me. Catching his breath, he asked if I knew that guy standing across the street. It was Gazer. I told him I did recognize him by face. “Why?” I asked.

“Well, he’s just wondering why you don’t recognize him. He’s your neighbor…. in your hometown!”

My mouth was probably gaping for quite sometime when my friend flaunted an impish grin, as if reminding me how I stupid I looked. I was so blanked. Good thing a tricycle turned up, and I absentmindedly hailed it to stop. I think it took me days to recover from that shock. But when I looked back to it now, it was more of an embarrassment than a shock. How could I forget that boy next door whose family’s one of the well-offs in our society? How could I not recognize one of the famous heartthrobs in our town? Oh, how could I? Well, probably because I am not so into what and who’s famous. Nevertheless, I felt like I ought to know him. And when I had realized he was my neighbor, reality just came flashing through me.

I betted Gazer was disappointed and he’d probably tell his famous friends how dare an ordinary girl forget about who he is. “Sorry, Gazer,” I told myself. It was an honest mistake. No, it wasn’t a mistake. It was a normal response you got from a normal girl.

Months later, I saw Gazer again in an Internet café. He was playing DOTA and fate must have played tricks on us (or more on me), ‘coz my Internet connection at home wasn’t working and to make it worse (or better?), I was given the seat next to him. I asked for another PC workstation but there was no other vacant. “Nice,” I uttered to myself. When I started browsing, I was aware of those two eyes straightly looking at my monitor. So I shifted a little to the right, trying to block his view. When I glanced at him, he seemed lost in his own world. Was it just me?

After an hour, I’ve finally done my thing and logged out. His gaze didn’t follow. “So, he hasn’t recognized me this time?”

Consequently after that, I didn’t mind him whenever we met. For certain, we met several times after that but it felt better to just ignore each other and pretend to be strangers. That’s what we were, after all. In fact, I think I bumped onto him once at school. I knew he enrolled in our school during the second semester because I saw him around more often. He must have transferred from his prestigious school just to be with his friends, whom I recognize a few. And whenever we met, we really never say anything nor smile or do any act of recognition. As if we weren’t neighbors; as if we didn’t know the other one existed. I saw him as just “one of the many,” as perhaps the same way he saw me that time.

So I was just surprised when he appeared from the dark tonight, flashing out that familiar smile and handing me a box of sweets, uttering a delayed birthday greeting. I was surprised how he knew. But I am even more surprised what made him do such an unlikely thing? What could have hit him?

I remember smiling at him and thanking him. Then I continued walking past him and was really relieved when he didn’t follow. Otherwise, I’d run out of words. I really was tongue-tied. Was it a peace offering? Does he always do that to girls? Did I torture him somehow? Or is he a stalker? Oh well, whatever his motive is, for sure his act was impressive. It’s traditional and at the same time a bit provocative.

Until now I still couldn't figure out what really is his intention. But for sure, he’s going to be one of those sweet tortures piled up and set aside at the back of my mind. Not now...

I’m sorry, Gazer…. I’m sorry…self…

When the Spark Isn’t There Anymore

2008-01-29T19:37:00.000-08:00

Seems like all the used-to-be’s are slowly fading away
Like how the marvelous magic had worn off slowly
When the green leaves in the park had turned brown
When both our happy faces turned into a frown…

Now that the ink of my pen is almost empty
Now that my notepad’s running low
Now that the sky has turned to grey,
Now that the daylight has started to go...

The once bright red carpet is now brunette in color,
The vibrant yellow walls are now of beige cover
The durable and well-polished furniture now shows aging
The plants in the garden had now stopped growing.

The enthusiasm is now as rare as diamonds
Everything we have is now close to vagabonds
Having you around is no longer a cure
Anything about us now seems so obscure.

If there is come, there is go
If the door is closed, use the window
When you see it coming, hug it like a pillow
When you feel it drifting, push it with a bellow.

What’s the use of holding on
When all the time we both feel alone,
When there’s no more warmth in your touch,
When the sparkle in your eyes isn’t that much?

“Goodbye” might be a hard word to say
But I’d rather say it than make you stay
I’d rather cherish our good times together
Than cling on the past then lose you forever.

When the spark isn’t there anymore,
There’s no more point in faking interests
There’s no more room for pointless arguments
With spark gone, nothing else matters anymore.

Perfect Time

2008-01-29T19:11:00.001-08:00

Life indeed is full of surprises,
It knocks on your door Monday when you need it on Sunday;
Sometimes it arrives on November when you want it in October,
But if you open your eyes, you’ll realize that its timing is always perfect.

It took ages for me before I figured out the truth of it,
I had to make a lot of curses and collect a lot of hatreds;
I had to make others cry and punish myself of doing so,
I had to wait and see my faith come and go.

I had to read a lot of books and listen to numerous preaching,
Had to relate my experiences to others’ and analyze things;
I had to do a lot of mumbling, blaming, insulting and screaming,
I still had to experience many odds before I’ve proven myself wrong.

Time, it’s okay, you didn’t have me waiting,
It was just me who did the wrongful nagging;
It was just that my situation was frustrating,
I should have known what was coming.

I thank you for not coming in earlier,
And my gratitude for not coming in too late,
Or else situations wouldn’t be as manageable as they are;
And for sure, things would not be as perfect as they are.

He left me before I could find another

2007-09-10T15:06:00.000-07:00

How unfortunate. The only man in my life left me before I could find another.

Yes, he was the only man in my life since birth. He was the first man who taught me the differences between right and wrong... the first man who taught me how to sing... how to dance cha-cha... how to sketch... how to beat the drums... taught me how to strum the guitar strings... taught me how to be tough... told me about the dark side of men... protected me from evil men... and carried me on his shoulders... His was the first male voice I could ever remember... his was the first growl... his was the first encouraging smile... his was the first and sharpest warning look... and his was the most commanding voice...

There had been random men I met from everywhere, but he was the only one who had always been there all along. I’ve dumped some men in my life but he was someone I could not even ignore. I’ve cried many tears because of men before but certainly not because of him... Yes, his love was not obvious because it was well-hidden... but somehow, somewhere, his love competed with its long-time rival, fear, and now, it has finally reigned over it...

The only man in my life asked me once, “When are you going to marry?” He wanted me to get another man who could compete with him. I don’t even have a brother to do that. He was the only man in my life but he wanted me to get a no.2, never knowing that he wasn’t only my no.1 — he was the only one.

Now he left me, unable to wait for his replacement; probably knowing that there would be no one to replace him in my heart. He left me hanging on to the hope that we can mend our heartaches and start anew. His last days were full of hopes – so full of hopes that it hurts just thinking about it.

“If I could get one final glance, one final walk, one final dance with him… I’d play a song that would never ever end… how I love to dance with my father again…”

Luther Vandross’ song goes on as my tears keep falling and as my fingers keep typing. I remember his promises. He promised to wait till I come home that weekend. We planned what to do when I come back. We were going to the beach… to laugh hard, sing old songs, dance cha-cha, build sand castles, draw some faces, and leave footprints in the sand… never knowing that it was just his wishful thinking. His was a willing spirit trapped in a weak body…

I miss him... I miss the only man in my life... and I’m sad ‘coz he left without even bidding a proper goodbye. Maybe he didn’t want to say so ‘coz he was hoping we could still do our plans together someday; not in this world but probably somewhere else. Lastly, I’m sad because he left me before I could find another one. Yet, deep down, I know I could never find another one.

A month ago and I still miss him like I’ve never missed him before. True enough, you can never know the importance of someone until that someone leaves you. Worse, there’s no way I can bring him back no matter how hard I try.

To the only man in my life, I love you and I miss you... I wish I had told you sooner… Thank you for bringing me into this world and thank you for the memories. Our happy days will always be treasured. Your sermons will always be heeded. You will always be remembered. Always.

I love you, Tatay. Until we meet each other again.

I am who I am

2006-08-05T19:54:00.000-07:00

Don’t transform me into someone else. Don’t even try.

I cut my hair the way I think is classy and apply make up I think is perfect.
I dress what is comfortable and what I think is decent.
I put on fragrance I love to smell and not succumb to allergenic scents.
I cut my nails with my own design and wear accessories I think is elegant.
So don’t be surprised if I choose my own clothes, my shampoos, my cosmetics and accessories without even consulting you. This is how I adorn my outer shell and this is how I always will.

I eat the food I like best, irregardless of your alternatives.
I go to places I feel like and will stay there as long as I desire.
I choose the people I would talk to and treasure those I pick.
I look up to people whom I think deserving and will stoop down to those too low.
I gesture the moves which come out of me and will articulate words I am most at ease.
I do things the best way I suppose I should, even if it means setting both of us aside.
I let you know all these things so you don’t have to be surprised.

I read the book I have interest in; I watch the movies I like
I dance the music I enjoy; I sing the song I love
I toil for the job I want and will continue until the passion wears out.
I submit myself to promises I believe and will give away only those I can fulfill.
I do the things I think is right, whether they please you or not.

So this is who I am and what you see is what you get.
And once again, I articulate the words I am most at ease, under which is this case.

So don’t tell me what to do and don’t try to change me.
Just let me be myself coz that’s what it takes to see the real me.
Should you see a transition of a different me, it is then that you have to leap in.

Now one last thing before I end this trivia,
I can only give away promises which I know I can fulfill.
And the promises I gave you are never an exemption.
So take them and believe in them because I do keep them.
Don’t go wasting them, no… Don’t even try.

Love Story

2006-06-06T19:05:00.000-07:00

“A good-looking man with stable job, a nice car, good family background and a certified womanizer. What else could you ask for?” asked Jerry. I just looked down and sought for a good excuse. When I was silenced by my empty self, he patted my shoulder.

“Hmmm?” he asked again while drawing me closer. I just shook my head and moved aback. I saw him rolled his eyes at the corner of my own eyes. I couldn’t help but smile. Then I stood up and started pacing back and forth. He stood up, too.

“Irritated?” I asked him inaudibly. He looked at me straight in the eyes and nodded.
“Let’s go home,” he said and led the way to his beautiful car. I followed and we rode back to my place. The moment I stepped out, he steered away towards his house, without even waving goodbye.

“Well, why am I not surprised?” I uttered as I headed upstairs. Sure enough, he has everything and he is close to being perfect. But why am I not contented? My phone beeped and as I read his message, was surprised at how he had deciphered my thoughts.

“What exactly are you looking for? What else do you want?” he asked. I sighed and typed in, “I want someone less perfect.”

Then I contemplated hard about my quest until I drifted off to sleep. It was already past midnight when I woke up and realized I have missed several calls. I hesitated to ring him back but I thought I needed someone to talk to.

“Sorry to wake you up. I was tired of the trip and fell asleep just before your calls.”
“It’s okay. I was about to go to bed.” There was a long pause. I waited for him to say something. Then the line went dead.
“Great!” Well, it was just what I deserved. I lied awake until morning and made myself a heavy breakfast. The phone rang.

“Good morning! Sorry about last night. I was too tired to talk.”
“I understand. I did the same to you, remember?”
“Well, yes you did but I really think I should apologize.”
“Apology accepted.” Then there was silence again.
“So, why do you want to settle for something less?” A long pause followed.
“Because I am less than perfect, Jerry, that’s why. I don’t deserve someone as fantastic as you are. I want something else and I just know we will not be happy together.”
“But why and what it is that you want which you think I don’t have?” There he went! The best prototype of the world’s humblest person.
“If you think you’ve got it all, then you don’t need me, Jerry.”
“But you will need me. Take me, please.”
“I need someone who needs me, too.”
“I don’t understand this.” Then he hanged up. I could only sigh.

If you could only read my mind, Jerry. I don’t care if you earn very little, as long as your job is decent. I don’t care if your family is not as well-off as they are. And I don’t care about the car for we can buy one in due time. I don’t care about the house at all, for we can build a happy home together. A fine man with jovial, loving and sensible personality is what I need. Why can’t you be that man? Why can’t you just come down and plant your feet flat on the ground again?

Too bad I am too sensitive to Jerry’s flaws. But I couldn’t stand the thought of being with someone whose character I dislike. And I don’t intend to change him – it has to come from within himself. I’d rather settle for less and be with someone I can dance the music with, without trying so hard.

Sometimes the quest for our lifetime partner can be the hardest mission among all. How many trials and errors do we have to undergo? How many facades do we need to unravel? How many broken promises do we have to bear with? How many selfish prospects do we have to meet? And how much heartache do we have to suffer?

Well, no one really knows. Otherwise, he who knows is cheating, thus, losing in this game we refer to as “love.”

My Elusive Dream

2006-06-06T19:04:00.000-07:00

My Elusive Dream

A happy home, filled with children’s laughter everywhere.
The mother singing their song softly, with husband close to her
He smiles at her and hums along while strumming his guitar
The children came in dancing, and screaming from afar.

The house was no castle but is paradise inside,
The sun on the rooftop beams gaily and bright
The flowers in the garden look radiant with pride
The leaves of the trees sway graciously with delight.

I painted the picture so perfectly in my mind
Everything is so wonderful, everything is so fine
I framed it with immense hope and finished with nice design
Then I wrapped it with tender care, faith and love combined.

I imagine the picture every night, before I sleep
The picture becomes vivid in the middle of my rest
The handsome smile of the husband soothes away my stress
His gentle voice conveys smitten passion and everlasting promises.

But he vanishes every time I hold out my hand to him
He becomes out of reach and leaves me feeling lame
I hug myself and stay awake till everything seems dim,
Then cry myself to sleep because of my elusive dream.

Then one day a storm comes and blows everything away
He tells me he loves me but not enough to make him stay
I reach out for him, begging low with bended knee
But like what always happens, he turns his back and walks away.

If I were smart enough, I wouldn’t have taken him upfront
I would have figured out how easily I could get hurt
How briefly he stayed, as quick as he first came
Now I could only wait and pray for him.

My husband…
Our home…
Our beautiful children…
They’re nothing real then,
But only my elusive dream.

Eternal Paradox

2006-03-05T20:23:00.000-08:00

"I see jewels of starlight in your eyes,

And in your hair shines the moon.

I'm hopelessly inlove with you..."

Too foolish of me, I listened to your clever disguise!

I shouldn't have. I should have known where these stuffs could lead me.

You hurt me too much that I could hardly breathe...

I feel pain of piercing darts.

You've pushed me into a hole without a bottom.

You've led me to a journey where no angel would ever dare to walk by me.

"I'm hopelessly inlove with you..."

Stop it! Yeah, you're inlove.

I believe so coz you have stained the purest heart ever lived!

You're falling but you made a wise deceit.

Sad to say, you're falling but not for me.

You played with my innocent passion.

My heart now is bleeding,

I am in confusion amidst grief.

My mind says, "move away" but my heart says, "stay!"

I've loved you and I was true.

Tomorrow, when the sun shines on its peak,

I will no longer be weak.

I had, then, forgiven you.

Don't feel guilty for this agony will just pass.

Joy hasn't existed in me

But may it be with you, though with someone else.

And the eternal paradox, it says:

"How can we preserve joy without killing the joy of others?"

It's Just Too Late

2005-09-27T19:08:00.000-07:00

Intelligent, profound yet silent… those best describe my uncle. He was always referred to as bad, killjoy, stern and tough by those who barely know him. He was always the black sheep of the family. And he was once disowned by his father, by two of his other brothers, or even by his sisters.

But never with his mother. He was always loved, supported and advised, despite his notorious traits. His mother was a perfect prototype of a genuine mother. One who stands along, against all oddities in life. His was a mother always selfless, willing to sacrifice the rest of her 5 other siblings, just to bring him back to his feet again.

He once went away, seeing that he was being disliked by many. He brought hatred with him, against his family and neighbors. He soared high and experienced what others referred to as ecstasy. He proved everyone right, by doing just what people expected him to be ---the black sheep.

But one day, he came home wounded. Seeking for the love of his mother, the type he missed while he was gone. And as usual, he had it. His father was glad he had come back but he was too old to show he cares. He was just there, standing calmly, contented that the prodigal son had returned.

Time passed and his father had to pass away. I saw him cry in the corner but when he caught my eye, he stared at me and I took that as his embarrassment, although he tried to conceal it as a warning or something of that sort. I was relieved to see his softer side. I know he wasn’t bad after all. And I know he loved his father.

A couple of years later, temptations struck him again and he found himself confined behind the cold bars. It was a cold hell and he had no mother to comfort him. He cried and pleaded help from his family, knowing that his mother would be there for him. And as usual, he got her support, with the help of his siblings, of course. But that time, I saw his effort to change. He must have learned a lot from those things they call “cold bars”.

He tried to convince everyone that he had changed, after his sad experience. I believed in him coz I saw the good side of him already, the moment I saw him shed a tear for his “despised” father. But I was only one of the few who believed in him. I know he was glad he got me. He also got his best friend. And of course, he had his mother on his side.

But his mother was too old to tolerate or see his continuing efforts. She had to rest in peace and as she did, I saw my uncle cry openly this time. In fact, I was the first one who patted him on his shoulders. I remembered he looked up with those red, teary eyes and forcibly gave his crooked smile. In my 16 years of existence, that was only the second time I saw my tough uncle cry.

Years passed, and he survived alone, without the visible love of his parents, especially her mother. Yet I know he had her in his memories always coz one Halloween night, I visited his home and I saw a lighted candle on the window. I teased him and he told me to get serious coz it was intended to light the path of my lola (his mother). I was swept away by the thoughtfulness of such a tough, big man. It was that night that he told me how lonely his life had been. He told me that I was one of the few who believed in him and that he appreciated it. I almost burst into tears that night but of course, I was tough, just like him. We talked about how impossible his ambitions were. He dreamed he had his own family, wherein his children would respect him as a father. And he hated himself for being so helpless to his two children (with different mothers). He mentioned how lonely it was to be abandoned, even by his own brothers and sisters. He said it was very sad to live alone in an empty house. And most of all, he missed his mother. I went home that night with total relief and satisfaction. And I wished I could tell the whole world that my uncle was not as bad as they thought he was. But of course, it would take so much time to convince those people.

My uncle continued to live his life as wholesome as he could, pleasing as many people as possible. He fed himself, tried supporting his children (although not fully appreciated), held occasional drinking sessions to gather his peers, and welcomed visitors to his house. He tried to be good. But I think it was not enough. In fact, it was never enough.

The other year, his best friend died. He had lost his favorite pal that time and he must have been very sad coz I caught him staring blankly sometimes. But of course he was tough and stern, so he held his head high and continued to live life.

One time, when I was waiting for a vehicle to transport me to the big city, he saw me and he sat down beside me. We had our serious talk again and he asked me a favor. It was a favor meant as a joke, I hoped, but still lingers in my mind until now. He said, “Lyn, bisan moasenso na ka, ayaw ko kalimti. Gae nya ko stable nga trabaho para klaro ning akong kinabuhi, ha? Wala dagay ka’y salig nako, pero ako salig kaayo nimo.” (Lyn, don’t forget me even if you’re already well-off. Provide me with a stable job so that I will have a better life. You may not trust me, but I have a big trust in you.)

I only laughed at him and teased him to hand me some peso for vehicle fares. He laughed back and took some 5-peso coin from his pocket. We both laughed and I will never ever forget that scene. My uncle may seem very hard to comprehend, but he sure got a good sense of humor.

Two hours ago I received a message about my uncle passing away… it was an unexpected death. My heart is aching like crazy and I couldn’t imagine going back to my hometown without him, above all, seeing him inside the casket. I cried but those tears are not enough. I am sad because of his sudden death. I am saddened by thought that his cold, dead body was discovered 24 hours after he died because he was living in a house all by himself. I am saddened because he died with the feeling that nobody loves him. Most of all, I am sad because I was not able to give him his dream, the favor he had asked of me.

I love you, Yoyo. I wish I were able to tell you this in person. It’s just too late now and it’s something I learned a lesson from. Thank you for trusting in me. You will always be remembered…

Hello.. Thank You & Good-bye..

2005-09-22T19:09:00.000-07:00

When I first heard of you, my heart longed to become a part of you. I dreamed and dreamed until my dream came true.

So it became you and me – great tandem. I imparted everything I know to you and gave everything there is to give. In return, you gave me what I deserve and I was grateful and contented. I always showed up on time everyday, packed up with enthusiasm and excitement. Your warm welcome and endearing motivations gave me inspiration.

Days became months; months became years. We’ve been together for more than neither of us expected. You relied on me and I leaned on you. We both met many people along the way but most of them fled away and you counted me as one of the few survivors. Thanks for counting me in. It was a pleasure then.

You entrusted others’ responsibilities to me and you humbly demand most of my time. I submissively gave you all of me. I hope you realized how hard I tried to give you everything you needed. I didn’t know where I got it but somehow my patience those days were immeasurable. I sympathized of your loss and tried to be strong for you. I can still remember the looks of those pleading eyes, painfully tearful and begging me to cooperate. Of which, I realized, I selflessly did…

Time passed and I was more than happy to see you subtly recovering. The gleam in your eyes was contagious and I couldn’t help but smile myself. The heavy burdens we both were carrying somehow lightened. It was a relief to see you back and normal again.

So we moved on, still the same old you and me. You treated me like a genuine treasure – expensive and rare. That’s how you make me feel and as always, I appreciate it. I couldn’t ask for more.

You’ll be out my sight very soon but your presence and influences will always linger in me. One of these days, I will have to work things out for myself and I’m glad you’re always willing to stand by me. I thank you. It’s all I could say. I hope everything will work out fine between us, despite the approaching distance. It might be long before I’ll come back your way, or I may never come back at all, but I want you to know that you’ve always been an integral part of who I am right now.

Thank you for teaching me how to be humble and patient. Thanks for the gift of genuine friendship. Thank you for believing in me and for letting me face those tough challenges I didn’t suppose I could solve. Thank you for the never-ending support.

You thought me well enough to face the real world again. Now I am packed up with confidence, strength and wisdom, ready to tackle whatever trials there are along my path. I know I can stand stronger than I used to and I owe all these to you. Thanks for everything.

I will sorely miss my routine around your vicinity. I will always muse over those daily activities I did to help you grow. I know you’ll keep on surviving without me. Someday, you’ll find another me and I may find another you. But for sure, the moments will remain even though time may pass. I wish you all the luck and I hope that you can help more people and help them grow up, just like what you did to me and many others.

Adieu for now. But who knows, I might come back running into your loving arms again…

Back to Normal, My Friend?

2005-09-09T19:10:00.000-07:00

My first impression of you did not fail,
You are the tough type but deep inside fragile;
You talk and talk, never minding what you've said,
You’re hungry of attention, and you got me disgusted.

You came to me, I ran away,
You smiled and smiled while fled away;
I was annoyed of your traits and bluffing,
You did a lot of gossips and talking.

You're Know-It-All, and you’ve got Me-First attitudes,
Most of your behaviors caused a lot of hatreds;
I backstabbed you but you never cared,
Were you aware or was I ignored?

I don't know how but it did happen,
We had to stick with each other then;
I remember how sincere you seemed,
While I rolled my eyeballs and feigned.

But one day, I found myself in distress,
You came around, just like you always did;
You pushed me to talk about it,
So I sighed, stared at you, but then started.
So I freed the things I’ve been keeping inside,
Vulnerable subjects I’ve been struggling to hide;
You may’ve never realized but you thought me how to confide,
For the first time, you listened while setting your apprehensions aside.

I loved watching you gaping at my every word,
I couldn’t tell whether you related to my stories or you’re bored;
But somehow you added light to our gloomy world,
I wonder if you really enjoyed or I got you tortured.

Hope you know that our listening ears made miracles,
We started sharing our happiness and downfalls;
I accepted your oddities, and I didn’t mocked at you again,
Time must have nourished and made our bonding genuine.

Yet lately, I’ve noticed how you’ve changed deliberately,
The rare submissive ways are slowly fading away;
Your smooth tongue seems to dance gracefully
With every mention of “I, me, & myself” melody.

So, is the old, vain you back again, my friend?
You must have missed wearing your favorite skin;
Well, go ahead and be who you really are,
I just hope when I look ahead, you have not gone that far.

I Have to Let You Go

2005-09-06T19:07:00.000-07:00

If we never let go of the past, we can never appreciate the present, so as the future.

That’s why I had to forget how embarrassing my first communion was, when I sort of accidentally bit the hand of the priest and he glared at me. I heard some of my classmates, teachers and the choir laughed and I went off trembling. Then later on, I found myself crying. That experience taught me not to talk to a priest again. I was barely 9 years old then. I could still laugh at the thought, especially the look on the priest’s face… hehehe… I can still remember it, but for sure, I have gained the confidence to converse with a priest again.

That’s why I have to let go of the hope to retrieve my sweet memories with my peers during my high school days. I kept the memories but I’ve learned to let things happen naturally. My friends are on their own ways now, after all. A couple of them married, some go abroad, and others are so far away. I can’t afford the frustration of making us a whole again. If I hanged on to such hope, I wouldn’t have appreciated the company of my college colleagues.

That’s why I have to alter my job with a better one and let go of the memorable experiences attached to the previous one. Or else I wouldn’t be able exercise my skills in the field it suits best. And I wouldn’t have known more memorable moments are laid ahead of me.

That is the reason why we have to let go of our deceased loved ones. They said if there is come, there is go. Like the dear new things we possess, they will soon wear out. Their sentimental values will be kept but we won’t always see them as new as they used to be. And if we continue to keep them, no matter how rotten they are, we will never think of buying a better one. Like our loved ones, we have to let them go, so that we may get the chance to meet the others.

And that’s why I have to forget you. Coz if I continue to hope that you’ll come back, I may never meet my other half. And if you are my other half or if by some chance we are meant to be, you’ll return to me. If by that time, you are already being replaced, you have to move on with your life and not cling on our yesterdays.

Coz if we never let go of the past, we can never appreciate the present, so as the future.[Dedicated to my once dreamed man...]